Very much the wrong time to have this discussion, but I am clearly shit as a friend, a girlfriend and general acquaintance.
Cock this. Very long conversation tonight with A’s brother, an advisor with the CAB. He kept wanking on, drunkenly admittedly, that I can “do better” than claim from the government. I thought I was aware of this? Am I fucking missing something? Did I choose to be a dolescum?! But he worries that I am fucked, in terms of my prospects. Clearly I had thought of this. But what the fuck can I actually do about it? Fuck all, basically. Cos I’m mental!
So, I cut myself tonight. First time in years, but why not really? At least it will prove to the SSA, as if fucking proof were needed, that I am a crackpot. At least it proves to me that I am a pathetic piece of fucking crap.
The oddest thing is I am almost proud of my new scars. Very, very fucked up. More shortly, if I am cognisant of any form of reality, that is. xo
This entry was posted on Friday, 15 May, 2009 at 1:52 am and is filed under Moods, Triggers with tags anger, anxiety, benefits, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, bpd, clinical depression, cutting, depression, insanity, insomnia, madness, major depressive disorder, mania, mental health, mentalhealth, panic, panic attack, psychiatry, psychology, sadness, self harm, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, suicide, suicide ideation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.