Until It Sleeps

The iPod has been acting as a mindreader again.

I’m not in the habit of doing this as this blog is mine; my life, in my words. However, sometimes others just say it (whatever ‘it’ is) better than me, and this is very much one such occasion.

So, ladies and gents, I give you the nature of my present sorry existence – as presented by Metallica.

Until It Sleeps

Where do I take this pain of mine
I run but it stays right by my side

So tear me open and pour me out
There’s things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps

Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays

So tear me open but beware
There’s things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I’m clean

It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you so hold me
Until it sleeps

So tell me why you’ve chosen me
Don’t want your grip, don’t want your greed
Don’t want it

I’ll tear me open make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me, until it sleeps

It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you, holds you, holds you
Until it sleeps

I don’t want it, I don’t want it…

So tear me open but beware
There’s things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me ’till I’m clean

I’ll tear me open make you gone
No longer will you hurt anyone
And the hate still shames me
So hold me
Until it sleeps

(c) James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich, Metallica (from the Load album, 1996).

I will write properly tomorrow, but in the meantime you can listen to and watch the video for the above here.


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9 Responses to “Until It Sleeps”

  1. Always nice to find somebody else who’s into Metallica.

    Take care,
    Differently

    • Hey hun. Definitely one of my favourite bands. I ended up randomly on the other side of the city tonight (dissociative fugue?) and whilst trying to make my way back, a veritable plethora of “kill yourself now” songs came on. This was the one that resonated most with me.

      On a slightly lighter note, it’s just a damn good tune 🙂

      You take care too, thanks for stopping by xx

  2. I haven’t heard this song, but now I want to…if for no other reason than to hear a more poetic version of what goes on in my head, especially during this time of the year. There is a lot of truth to my username! I wonder if anyone in Metallica also has BP, since they seem to understand it so well…

    I don’t listen to a lot of ‘kill yourself now’ songs, but I find that a variety of ‘I’m pissed off at the world’, ‘people suck’, or angsty breakup songs can be very cathartic. I have a few CDs I’ve made specifically for those ‘rage’ moods…and then some more upbeat stuff for after I’m finished throwing things at my reflection in the mirror.

    I found this blog through my friend hrumph’s (sp?) blog, I hope you don’t mind that I’m here. I’m new to blogging…

    • I found this blog through my friend hrumph’s (sp?) blog, I hope you don’t mind that I’m here. I’m new to blogging…

      Of course I don’t mind 🙂 Great to have you onboard!

      My iPod has a habit of throwing the most depressing or disturbing tunes at me. It hit me with this (and other similarly disturbing tunes) on the way home after I ended up halfway down the coast in a dissociative fugue the other night :-/ I sang along with the music as I drove home, reflecting on how wholly appropriate and apt they were. When I wrote it here, I read it as if it were a poem – and it just seems all the more accurate. A brilliant song.

      I love the idea of throwing stuff at myself in the mirror! Though I’m sorry that you have to experience it 😦

      Anyway, PQ, you are always very welcome here. I look forward to reading your blog now 🙂

      xxx

  3. Throwing stuff at the mirror can actually be quite fun…:)

    Thank you for the welcome. It is great to find people who understand that our disorders are not all of who we are, that they aren’t something we chose to have…who would choose that, anyway???

  4. And in the same spirit of this post, I find Nine Inch Nails rather cathartic too…No dark music collection is complete without Trent Reznor…I put up a blog post of a couple of my favorites for this….

  5. The Darkness Within…

    There have been a lot of really messy things in my life, things I can’t always explain. Sometimes I feel as though my own heart, my own mind is taking revenge on me. I’ve been relatively lucky, but sometimes it is hard for me to see that. I…

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